Enduring Journey..

27th May 2008…it was exactly 2months since i made a decision, and yet today im not sure it wil be the day i reconsider the decision and start fresh..i didnt expect things would be this way but i guess it was meant to be.. im tired with all the ‘accusations’, the ‘torture’ and everything which ONLY suffocated me.. i have shed more tears that i could have imagined..i hate the most when im being questioned for things i did which meant well. instead of being appreciative, i was hit back hard and the words i received was like a fresh wound on my heart… i dont think i can take it anymore.. it took me almost half a year to have a grip of myself the last time, but this time i dont know how long i need… its really so dreadful when something happy will come to an end this fast…i dont wish to elaborate coz i really dont wana shed any more tears..i can only pray hard to be guided through.

neway, had a good time in my kl trip …wish i could extend the trip..miss spending the good times with my bro and his gf.. a short summary..
weds nite - arrived around 7pm..had sum good ’scolding’ from the irritating bus driver who gave us ‘ lectures’ when we asked to be dropped at jejantas stop over..nvm about that..dinner at shabushabu was fun but i wasnt in the mood that nite coz was bit tired with the journey.. plus the gentleman beside me was observing me..haih…
thurs nite - the taiwan food (special pan mee+fried rice+boxing chicken+dumpling) near bro’s place was great, love it…
fri nite - dinner the nex day - ‘chu char’ (steam fish+ seafood taufu+scallop brocolli + ‘mamite’ paikut) was really recommended..yum yum… yeah, i only take dinner during thur and fri..i was treasure hunting at bro’s place for my lunch for two days..kekekekeke
sat - went for klang bah kut teh, yeah i love the dry type.. then went over to ONE utama for ‘Indianna Jones’..the movie was okok only…at nite, went for BBQ dinner at cititel.. was a few years since i last went there…
sun - went for the long awaited japanese buffet..dang, i forgot the hotel’s name..well, it was something different..ate some fresh oyster and lots of the baby octopus,,my fave..yumyum..plus some other stuff..the sushi is just okok only..neway, nothing can beat ’siensaki’ or something like that..i forgot the spelling, forgive me.. after lunch, went over to pavillion and then sunway before having dinner at wendy’s… yeah..covered many complexes till my feet were badly wounded til i went to vincci to buy a new sandals..

and yeah….i booked my tickets back for my 4th year holidays dee…yeah, im crazy, but keke..many of my cozmates also did the same thing already..looking forward for my 3 weeks holidays…too bad aint coming back for my bday in september coz its only 1 week and its more expensive than my nov tickets..huhu..gonna celebrate bday alone there i guess…ok then..dun wana talk much dee… am really moody…adious…

how i wish i didnt have to know u…
how i wish u didnt have to be so nice to me…
how i wish u didnt care about me…
how i wish u didnt give me a hope..
coz at the moment…im so confused…
i dont know what i should do…
yet my heart aches each time i think about it…
i wish i dont have to make a decision..
a decision which might hurt both of us..
or maybe its just me who will be the ONLY one suffering…

it is nice to be back at home again..yet…it is better to know we have all passed the professional exam 1 after struggling and pushing hard for the past month..it was one of the most challenging month for me..with last minute revision..so many things to cover..and the exam itself was really so dreadful..but aint gonna care anything..just wana clear my mind and enjoy to the max for the 2 weeks before struggling again in 4th year…many seniors said its honey moon year…just see how it goes..knew our posting group mates dee…finally separated from guang after a record breaking of 3 years…keke… anyway, congrats to all my batch mates and happy holidays..enjoy urself to the max ppl…u all deserve it…

17 april 2008… happy birthday to me dearest daddy…a few more days before i fly back to sabah.. already been suffering from the ‘going back merana’ syndrome the past week.. really gonna eat like mad these few days…so, who ever meet me when im eating, plz forgive me.. had dinner with my new fren, thanx so much for the treat…so paiseh..goodness… the sad part was kena ‘tembak’ non-stop til i no face dee… sad sad sad… i lost my ’shooting’ skill dee… have to brush up the next time i come back..muz win back… neway, waiting eagerly for my dearest brother to come back..partly becoz of me and partly we wanna celebrate dad’s bday…miss bro so much…gonna be a celebration the whole weekend…so, its gonna be a mixture of sadness and happiness…

last nite was hurt so badly by someone i didnt expect would do such a thing after all the promises.. but i aint gonna let ANYONE hurt me… i wont and i will be very strong these few weeks… i NEED TO BE STRONG..gonna die for it…

11th april 2008… it was the last day of my elective…but it left me with a sad ending and was so

depressed the whole day…i should say frustration is a better word for it..without luck, i realised

nothing is fair and learnt very well that hardwork NEVER usually pays… arrh… thinking about

it just make me wana scream my lungs out but i dont see a point of doing it as nothing can be

done except for me to do a proper report of it… i was also very irritated when my intention of

asking a question properly was replied with harsh words which yet left another mark in me.. i

simply hate this type of feeling but for the past week, i have been treated like that by the same

person… i aint gonna forgive this part… it REALLY annoyed me to the max and with my

depressing mood the whole day, it doesnt help at all… i dont wish to jump to conclusion but if

this situation continue, dont blame me for screaming and i swear it will the end of a hopeful

beginning… i am not gona lose focus on unnecessary things or people anymore… buck up mei

ching..there’s a lot to do before u fly back….

1st april 2008… happy april fool day… i should have expect that people will play a prank on me… but when it was done by someone that i treasure so much, i was a bit irritated. i wasnt angry but i guess when i tried to joke back, people thought i was serious about the whole thing. haih… why lah? im ONLY human to be doing the same mah… it doesnt help when AGAIN someone cried because of what i said or did but this time i REALLY didnt know what did i do to cause the person so much pain. GOD, please guide me though this… i REALLY dont know what else i should do… i wish i have the answers to so many things in life, but i guess its just part of my life to go through all of these especially when im trying to get a grip of myself. i’ve been reminding myself not to dig out the past, dont worry about the future but do wats the best for the present..this motto has become part of my daily life….being so slack in my revision is also suffocating me… im REALLY starting to freak out already… i darent think of the worst as i cant take it… with so many things in my head, its REALLY killing me…im having this shortness of breath and i just wish my old sickness wouldnt attack me during my critical moments… there arent much time left.. im REALLY praying hard that i will have a peace of mind in these few weeks before my biggest day… i have a lot to do but little time left… good luck to me…

27th march 2008… it marked a brand new day for me..why?? its still too early for me to say anything, i will need time to determine if i made the right choice or decision.. im bringing myself out from a nightmare that have been haunting me for such a long time..and its not fair for me to be in the deep melancholy over certain ppl who doesnt appreciate me…so, we will see how things gonna change.. :)) in the mean time… STUDY STUDY STUDY for me…BERTAUBAT LAH …so cham cham

17 march 2008…first day of elective… so blur and sesat… Penang GH is memang busy to the max…im allocated to the cardio ward… my supervisor is not around, so just zoom around in the ward… saw a few PMC students but didnt approach them as i dont know what im supposed to do in the ward yet..i hope i wil be able to meet my supervisor, at least i have a plan of what i should do for the next 4 weeks… yeah, i can clerk the whole ward if i wan to..coz there’s nothin much for me to do there…the HO just ask me to do whatever i wana do..wil just see if i can help them take blood and set up IV linesbut have to be supervised by them coz no matter what they bear the responsibility… managed to talk to a few patients. trying my best to get back my semangat of clerking at least one patient a day but i managed 3 just now dint meet anyone i know yet so far, but hope to do so soon

neway, cant seem to get myself into SERIOUS studying… my eyes just wana close each time i go thru my beloved tortora…haiyo..wana smack myself hard man…i cant afford to waste my time actually… bertaubat lah for goodness sake…i just hope i dun have to ask dad to cane me with the rotan..hahahahahaha

12 march 2008…its been ages since i post up something in my blog..yeah, its kinda berkulat

dee..hehe…its just so nice to be back..i miss everything back here… my parents, all my poohs,

teddies and stuff…hehe… im gonna spend my time wisely and aint gonna let any crap destroy it..

havent meet any frens yet as this week is school holiday, just hope to spend more time with my

dad before he starts to be ‘jealous’ again…he actually shooed me back to KK coz he complains i

have been talking to much and irritate him…hehe… what to do, already used to asking patients so

many questions mah, so come back, ask this and that mah..kaka..

bro dee on his business trip in Japan…jealous gila coz its his second time dee…but the good news

for me was i managed to talk to mum about letting me go to Taiwan for my elective posing in 5th

year…yeah, i know i will be facing some language problem there due to buta mandarin situation

but im VERY DETERMINED to brush up my mandarin in this one year. my other coursemates

who are also going is gonna banned me from conversing in english..haha..so, those who used to

’scold’ me in mandarin, watch out..im gonna make sure i will be able to speak as well as possible..

all da best to me… i have to bid bubye of my hope to do elective in UK or even aussie as the cost

will be one hell of a thing to my parents..i dun wan my dad to nag me nonstop…can pengsan

bah…

ok..its almost time to start flipping my books…wake up mei ching..hehe..maybe nex week

ler..gonna mati mati for my professional exam also eh… i DUN wana repeat whole year… its

HORRID… will start my elective posting in GH next week as well..looking forward to it but

hope dun have to do too many things ler..hehehe…hope to get a good supervisor also, can puji puji

me and so my lecturer will be impress..hehehhe..neway, who ever is around in PG, hope to catch

up with u all despite my busy schedule.i will keep my promise eh…

21 december… its a day when i feel its just so hard to face the truth when it hurts the most no matter how prepared u are to face it.. knowing is one thing but facing it is yet another thing..losing someone in ur life is some sort of a pain u wouldnt want to endure but losing two pure little ‘would be’ children of yours is worst than anything one could ever think of… they didnt even get to see the world yet only heard whispering and shoutings of ppl around them till they bid farewell to the world barely hours after they are brought to the world… i know why they didnt do anything to save them, it was too hard, it was too tough… it was the best decision coz they would be suffering even more if they were to be operated, maybe one will be able to survive but not for long… sigh..all of these remind me of how risky things would be.. no matter what we do, there is always a risk somewhere..we might be lucky most of the time, but still there are ppl around us who arent that fortunate…to the ppl who acted so insane and unethically thou u should know u arent suppose to in this field, shame REALLY SHAME on u…may u be punished for the things u did… at the end of the day, its just one thing that crossed my mind… GOD…how could i not think about Him when its Him that i pray to everyday… it made me realised how certain things are just beyond our control but His..no matter how smart mankind can be, they just couldnt do anything in certain things, just like this…and so, im praying that GOD will guide the mother and her family through this…its not easy but hope they will be strong to get through it. may GOD bless her abundantly…