Enduring Journey..

it took me some time to actually start a sentence… yeah, i didnt know how or where i should start… its just now my day..frustration and disappointment are the thing i could think of at the moment..a few things happened, either i didnt realise or i choose not to realise. PEOPLE can be very scary..why not? one time they are nice to you, the next day, they could criticise u rite on ur face.. one day they said who and who is cruel, this and that..the next day, they will said ‘no arh, who and who is nice arh..willing to help me, this and that’..well its NORMAL..i’ve always been around hypocrites… the thing that disappoint me is to being REMINDED that im just being used all these while. i didnt wana think it that way as im always willing to offer others a helping hand as much as i could, but from the treatment i received from these ‘ppl’ , it really leaves a fresh wound in me. i already see ‘this’ coming since last year, but i just dun wana bother that much. but the drastic changes in ‘these ppl’ terrify me to the max..im glad im able to REALISE the true colours of ‘these ppl’ now than later.. it made me think again and again whether what im doing is right or wrong??? what is the skill u need in order to survive in this challenging world? is everyone just putting a mask on his/her face? is there any true and pure hearts anymore?

these few days, im actually doubtful whenever there is a sms… certain ppl ONLY sent me sms when they need me to do things for them but the recent msgs i received from a particular person REALLY pissed me off. i couldnt stand the ‘insult’ of the contents of the msg. it was as if im a stupid fool or dumb ass… i tried my best to discard this kind of thought but it haunts me each time a new msg comes in from that person. it also made me realised that there’s no point to be so helpful to others when critices, sarcatism and hurtful remarks are what u have in return. yeah, my threshold level is lower and lower as time passes by, hence, i really and truly hope i dont have to show my own true colours which i dee ‘kept’ for so long..its just about time… 

"welcome to third year..and congratulations…" well, this was the opening sentence for most of the lecturers who met us during our one month STINT in ICMP.. no doubt, it was ONLY supposed to be introduction but the month we went through was indeed challenging. the first thing that i did when i reached KK last month was to shift my things back to hostel from aldrin;s place..but the shocking thing was we were only to check into the hostel on monday and i reached on FRIDAY..so i was left stranded and didnt know what to do.. after thinking for sometime and despite the fact that i will be  ALL ALONE in the hostel, i just stayed in one of the rooms. it was a terrible nite that day but im glad i made it through..then, more and more ppl start to be arrived but the ‘nitemare’ i had the nite before kinda left a big impact in me for the next few days…

first day in the clincal block, we were supposed to have 2 lectures for that day but one lecture had to be cancelled coz the electricity went off..guess too ‘chikek’ dee kut. so we rushed back for our hostel registration and that day was the torturing part when i shifted all my things up to my room. thank goodness that my room is no longer the highest floor..got a 2 person room but then my roommate dee shifted out by the second week. currently left 4 chinese gals in the hostel as most of the chinese students dee shifted out to sumwhere near QE.. sigh..its ok ler… after mum REMINDED me of so many things, i guess its still the best thing to stay in the hostel. so, hostel will be my home till i grad unless dad decides to transfer here..hehe…

the past month was indeed hectic once we started our days in the ward work… and we really scared the patients away..why not? 70 of us went into the wards searching for patients, clerked and did some physical examination… most of them were very kind, cooperative and helpful by allowing us to do so many things on them despite feeling so tired and weak..thank you so much to all the ‘pakcik and makcik’..really appreaciate everything that u all are doing for us..well, that’s just the ‘appetizer’ like one of the lecturers said, our main course is yet to come. its a good thing that im starting with medical junior posting nex week..will brush up on my skills. from the horrible and disastrous exam, there are still a lot of things i need to know and learn..yeah, its NEVER ending lessons… neway, im praying REAL hard that i will pass my exam.. i just dont know how to describe how i did..its worse than anything…haih…

so for the week to cum, im gonna sleep as much as i could…so lack of sleep till my eyes were so swollen the day before exam…i had a shock when i saw myself in the mirror..scary..and i will be getting less and less sleep when the major posting starts..even have on-calls dee..so, gonna sleep as much as i cud when i can :).. i just dun wana think about anything this week..gona have a week peace and relax…im getting old de eh..hehehe..