second year passes thru very fast thou it couldnt be determine whether i have completed 2nd year without the result…these few days, im just to depress… waiting for result is yet another torture… im having this bad feeling for the past few days… cant really sleep properly, dun really have the appetite to eat, feeling restless… i just dont know how to describe this kinda feeling… its just beyond my control.. the other day when tears just flow down while i pray, i realised that there are still so many painful memories that i cant let go. i have tried my best not to think or dig my own grave but memories just flow back when i dont wana think about it… when i listened to the songs by shayne ward, they really remind me of certain phrases that was said to me…until now, im still yet to find out the mystery of the cold treatment… maybe i shouldnt have put the blame on others but myself… however, i just cant find out the mistakes i might have done to be treated in such a way…
many times when i just wana share my problems, i just dont know whom i should talk to… i dont blame others… everyone has their own lives, their share of problems and worries and i dont have the heart to add any extra burden to them… besides, a few times when i happened to chat with my frens, i realised i missed out so many things that they have gone thru… relationships, graduations, working life and so on… at times, i feel the gap is getting bigger and bigger even wif my dearest closest frens.. the same goes for my dearest bro… used to be very close to him but now, i guess we didnt talk for months already…after the ‘unfortunate incident’ that happened to me 3 years ago, i feel kinda lost in a way… i dont know why im feeling this way, but it certainly left a big impact in my life… certainly i dont wish to turn back time coz i feel EXTREMELY FORTUNATE to be able to fulfill my ambition after going thru so much… nevertheless, at times when i performed so badly, i did question myself whether have i made the right choice towards my goal…why arent i coping well? why do i keep repeating small mistakes that i shoulnt even do? is it that i really DONT QUALIFY? am i such a dumbass as a medical student..??? i tried my very best to stay calm.. but in the end, its the fear and paranoid panicky attack that destroy most of the important things… why is this happening to me? why cant i stay focus and perform well…??? i could only pray hard to be guided thru any obstacles that is hindering my path… im just feeling sorry to my parents for having to suffer so much… im really feeling so weak.. useless… and guilty as well as i know im disappointing my parents and not appreciating their sacrifces… im rEALLY sorry..GOD, Please forgive me for the wrong doings that i did… i hope there’s really something i could do at this moment… i realised i have caused too much pain to my parents… without them, i dont think i could have survive this far…
"What About Me"
There’s a little boy waitin’ at the counter of the corner shop
He’s been waitin’ down there
Waiting half the day
We never ever see him from the top
He gets pushed around
Knocked to the ground
But he gets to his feet and he says…
What about me
It isn’t fair
I’ve had enough now I wasnt my share
Can’t you see
I wanna live
But you just take more then you give
There’s a pretty girl standing at the counter of the corner shop
She’s been waitin’ back there
Waitin’ for her dreams
Her dreams walk in and I begged ‘em to stop
Well she’s not too proud
To cry out loud
She runs to the street and she screams:
What about me
It isn’t fair
I’ve had enough now I wasn’t my share
Can’t you see
I wanna live
But you just take more then you give
So take a step back and see the little people
They may be young
But they’re the ones who make the big people big
So listen
As they whisper
What about me
Now I’m standing on the corner all the world’s gone home
Nobody’s changed
Nobody’s been saved
And I’m feeling cold and alone
I guess I’m lucky
I smile a lot
But sometimes I wish for more
Then I go…
What about me
It isn’t fair
I’ve had enough now I wasn’t my share
Can’t you see
I wanna live
But you just take more what about me
It isn’t fair
I’ve had enough now I want my share
Can’t you see
I wanna live
But you just take more
You just take more
You just take more then you give
What about me
What about me
What about me
