Enduring Journey..

21 september…

it came as a shock to me, im still in shock, there’s no doubt to it… i really dont know how to react to the news thou i know the person going thru this is really having one hell of a time… it was really a bad sign when the white moth flew into my room the previous nite… i knew something is going to happen but at that time, i didnt know what and who will be involved… i wish i could do more other than praying that everything will be going smoothly on ur part… if i could, i would have flew back right after i received the news but i know my presence would only make things hard for both of us… i just wish i could at least give u the warmest hug possible and by urside to support u thru this difficult moments… sigh.. sigh…

to my dearest very important person, im glad that u DID make the decision to allow me to know the unfortunate news thou its not personally from u… i cant blame u coz ur reasons were pretty clear… u know very well that im too far to ever come back to give u the support and care that u needed so badly… and u know i will be worried till i dont sleep for nites and guilty for not being able to do more for u… that’s practically how im ’suffering’ over here…  sigh sigh sigh… tears just rolled down when i asked my fren what i should do besides praying… i really feel so helpless and bad… all in all, i really pray that u would be strong to pull through. i know its tough and it takes time to overcome this grief but i really wish u could manage it… u know pretty well that no matter where i am, i will always be there for u… please do take care… 
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

25 september…

it was a few days since the news was revealed to me… im still in a daze though i know only my VIP can feel how im feeling.. when i received a sms from my dearest VIP, i could only say my prayers of thanx to GOD… it seems that he’s coping better than i do and the fact that he’s strong to pull through this moment, im REALLY glad.. but of course, my worries will still be there…nothing can help it… maybe i just need to see and talk to him face to face… it seems that life resumes for him… and i just hope that he isnt hiding or trying to put a brave outlook to me coz i know he cant lie to me… i shouldnt underestimate his strength again… hence, i could only continue to pray that everything goes well on his part… all da best my dearest VIP….

Amu oku tumongkiyad dika
Amu oku tongkiyadan dika
Amu oku kotongkiyad dika
Alasan oku dika
Kano miambalut kito sogiigisom
Gisom ih do kapatayon oh popiada dato
Guminawo oku dika tootopot……

28 september…

i dont deny that all of us are unique in our special way but is it necessary that the mouth that is a gift to us is ‘abuse’ and used in ways that will cause so much pain and heartaches to others??? i simply cant understand that why people can be such a HYPOCRITE and can make up stories for the sake of i dont know what…. is it fun to see others suffer by spreading rumours and false tales or simply giving others false hope??? is it a joy? or is it a pleasure??? doesnt the person know how much pain the ‘victim’ is suffering??? or is it such a pleasure to see someone fall or fail to do something??? if u have such black evil heart, please consider of changing to other school..i personally dont think u deserve to be with us at all… u might have score a FREAKING A in ur medical ethics, but from the personality that u have from the first day i saw u, u’re someone that irritates me to the max but i just kept my silence… i tot u would change for the better but instead, ur attitude have become TOO CHRONIC… i dont know how many more heartaches u gonna cause to please urself, but just watch ur steps… im really watching u… try to be more ‘evil’ and u will know what are the consequences…damn u.. i mean it… if u arent gonna seal your mouth, i swear the hidden zip on my lips will be opened soon… im not like the others who will keep their pain in silence…i’ve been patient for long enough… dont dare me…

to the ’speakers’ of the class… watch out ur mouths as well… if any of rumours were to spread again concerning me, i swear, i will sepak u ppl kaokao in front of the class….. im pretty annoyed and irritated by what ever u ppl have done… i dont give a single damn of what feelings are to u ppl coz u ppl NEVER think of the consequences of ur actions as well… before u condemn about others try to look at the mirror of urselves…if u need a big mirror, please tell me… i would be more than happy to get u the biggest mirror on earth..or maybe a special mirror which could reveal who has the ‘biggest and most evil mouth on earth’???… that would be fun, isnt it… and to those who like to backstab others, do try front stab… just see how ppl will react to what u have to say…isnt it gonna be fun as well???

GOD, please bless the ‘victims’ of these unwanted accusations, heartaches and guide them through… may they be strong enough to ‘fight back’…

my bday… it was something i didnt expect too much… as the saying goes, the more expect, the more heartbreaks u will suffer.. okies, celebration started on the previous nite in which i was brought to little italy by soo fei, siow hui and may hou. cheau foong couldnt make it coz she was sick… it was a wonderful dinner … THANK YOU SO MUCH…it means so much to me…but im sorry for the bill.. its kinda costy thou… i was given a new pooh bear too.. hehe..cute with the bouncy tummy that i can press… hehe… maybe a reminder that my tummy is expanding also.. hehehe… then, msgs start coming in from 12am onwards… no thanx to maxis for the bad reception for weeks… if not, more calls would have been coming in… ish…ish… coz i really miss talkin to so many ppl… nvm.. then, i called back home, that’s also after i tried for like 20-30times as dad just couldnt reach me.. a few msgs came in when i was sleeping, so, didnt really sleep actually… so happy when a msg came in from aussie… u know who u are.. it meant so much to me… and a few other msgs woke me up as i was reluctant to wake up for class… zubaidah sang me a bday song early in the morning and gave me a cute bear card…many people wished me in class and a bday song was sung after izzwan made the annoucement… ish ish… of course, i was shy shy ler…hehehe… my face must had been so red… guang gave me a keychain with some inspiration words…(typical guang ler..hehehe)… THANX… really appreciate it..and when i was almost asleep on my bed, there was a loud knock… it was ai chean, chan tha, shea wah, amy and may feng… another bday song from them… and a bday present… yeah yeah… a new pooh pillow… its cute… so i now have two new member for my pooh family.. hehe.. so happy my ‘pooh family’ is expanding.. hehehehe…then, aie wei came in to give me a card after i woke up from my sleep..just so tired duno y… dinner was cancelled due to some misunderstanding msgs… and i had another surprise, and gosh.. siow hui and cheau foong are really good actors… they found me in cafe..pathetic a bit ..tapao dinner from cafe… hehehe… when i opened my door room, i was shocked that 3 person was in there with a bday cake and singing bday song…THANX SO SO SO MUCH… words just couldnt desribe how much i appreciate every single thing that u all did… then, was given 2 bars of chocolate by izzwan and jeriol… and another box of white chocolate from boon tat and song lung… so, pimples ever erupt like volcano on my face, i guess u ppl have the answer…hehe… and the call from my parents REALLY round up everything… it is indeed the best bday for me…

nevertheless, the bday wish from someone that i really didnt expect to hear ever again, really left me in deep dilemma again… sigh sigh.. no no… aint gonna think about it anymore…i still have many things and plannings to think about… and to my VIP, i really dont know what happened around ur part…the msgs u sent was really as if u are prepared to slap me hard and throw ur temper rite on my face again… okies, if that’s ur wish, continue with it… i will leave u alone then.. im keeping my words… to those that forgot, im disappointed ler.. but then, cant blame u ppl also coz everyone is just BUSY..who i am to them?????..nvm…

will start my fasting session dee… i hope to make it for 30 days… i have reasons ppl that i cant tell to anyone… its not about dieting… there are more important reasons behind it.. can be said a test of my determination and will power… so, all the best to me and hope that i can achieve my target… THANX AGAIN TO EVERYONE THAT HAVE MADE MY DAY A VERY SPECIAL ONE INDEED… luv u all so much… hugssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

it was a mad mad mad yesterday… and the whole week wasnt very pleasant as well… being labelled as some kind of person wasnt a good thing and being misunderstood for a well meant action was even worse… it left a deep mark in me and REALLY changed my perception of many things… HYPOCRITES, FAKERS AND PRETENDERS… PLZ for goodness sake, get the hell out of my life… i would be very pleased if u ppl just leave me alone… i swear that i wouldnt support anyone who isnt in my frenship list as long as it takes.. i dont need all those unnecessary blames and accusations that REALLY pissed me off…

it was a freaking yesterday caused the test we had was really terrible… i thought i could at least buck up in this module, but its even worse… i dont really know how i answered the test but i just know it was really horrid… i was struggling hard to really understand what is required… gosh… and when my brain suddenly like ’shut off’ on tuesday nite, kinda worries me as it never happened before..my mind just went blank and i really cant do anything much after that as my eyes also auto shut at that time… i didnt have a good sleep this week either or maybe i should say i NEVER have a proper sleep in sabah… and staying near the toilet and beside the washing area makes life even worse for me… being a light sleeper, i am easily woken up by any noise including if my roommate opens the door… and with this inconsiderate ppl who is just so mad to wash their clothes at 2am or 5am in the morning, really cause more headache to me… i am also woken up by noises of ppl flushing the toilet in the middle of the night or taking their bath in the morning… no wonder my migrane never cures but is getting worse… sigh… its gona be like this throughout the year… i just hope i can stand all of this… sigh sigh sigh…

and yesterday too, my camera out of a sudden became so awkard and the lense went blur like those of undetected channels in TV… i was worried and shocked to the max ler… and when i get to know that it would cost about 300 - 900 to change a lense, my heart smashed… i just cant afford to spend for other things as i really hope my ‘baby’ will come by this month… it would then be my everything… and i would sacrifice anything for it including cutting down for my food intake… anyway, will be starting my fasting period nex week as well…

anyway, another thing that kinda hurt me was the ‘distance’ between me and the person who used to be my pillar of my strength… i kinda lost in my communication with that person and it was as if im being despised somehow… i cant blame anyone as everyone is bz with their lives but some care and understanding wouldnt kill, will it??? … it really pulls me down as im having hard times over here… there is hardly anyone that i could really share my downs with, thats y everything is cramped in my weak little heart and im always in deep melancholy… when my msgs werent replied or replied with hurtful remarks, it made me think whether should i just shut myself like i used too..??? yeah, maybe i should so that i could save the heart breaks of hoping for something that didnt exist or wouldnt happen at all… sigh…

okies… dont wanna think so much… more days to go before my biggy day…and i just pray that no one ruins that day, if not, i wouldnt forgive that person no matter what it takes… just give me a break… to my important person, i hope u would remember it and i hope u wouldnt give me the silence treatment again coz i didnt know what i did to be treated like that by u…sigh… GOD please guide and and give me the strength to face the challenges and obstacles that are slowing me down… i REALLY need my strength back…