Enduring Journey..

at first i was thinking twice whether should i sign up for the trip to manukan island under guang’s CF… kinda my pasal also ler, asked my ex-group members about plans for the convo week..so, when guang said he will be going to manukan island…hehe…of course i said i wana go ler and with so many things that happened last week, it was lucky that i dee paid for the trip before that..if not, i would just shut myself in the room… me and szu mei were in the same team and a bit sia sui also ler…our team didnt do that well in most of the games… kim and shantene were in different groups…and we felt a bit shame shame also ler when ppl keep calling us future doctors and medical students here and there… but in short, all of them were very frenly and we managed to get to know a number of ppl there…im surprised when a few of them could still remember my name as i met some of them during health promotion and Brother ‘Ezra’ could recognize me…ish ish…he is a funny man,… and the best moment when our medic junior out of nowhere asked us whether we wana go for banana boat or not…hehe..i was in a dilemma for less than a minute as i remembered i promised bro that i wont to go into the water when he sent me a sms …but in the end, i agreed to go…the temptation is just too great as i have been waiting for this opportunity ooo… though it was kinda costy, the ten of us had fun… shantene didnt go but me, szu mei and kim managed to ‘drag’ guang along… hehehe… we were ‘dropped/capsized’ in the sea thrice… first two times were in group of 5 but the 3rd time, 10 of us sat on the banana boat and were ‘dropped’ together…the feeling of suddenly dropping into the water wasnt nice as the water is salty and our nose and eyes were very painful after that… imagine swimming in the middle of the sea but of course with life jacket ler… hehe… in the nutshell, its just great and a good experience…. the food prepared by the CF members were nice.. by the time we started our journey back, most of us were dead tired, and just dropped dead on my bed… maybe its the sun or the sea water that makes me so sleepy and tired….coming plan…going for rafting in nov…

it was also fortunate that i agreed to be a volunteer for the exhibition..met a few nice ppl there and the best moments were to meet and talk to the psychology students who can judge our personalities by just listening to our conversation and the way we walk…kinda scary also when the gal, jenny told us of the personality of certain guys who stopped by at our both… hehehehe… we were laughing like nuts after those guys left..so sorry but we really cant help it loh…hehe… i still have another shift on saturday afternoon…hope to meet more ppl there….

my shopping in CP on weds, really burnt my pocket kao kao…which means i overbudgeted this month (august)… i darent ask money from dad… feel kinda guilty but my account is really drying up… maybe i will just have to swallow the guilt till i graduate and earn my own money… i really have to keep up with my budget plan, if not its really hard for me to maintain my expenses if i ever have my own ‘baby’ next time… i just wish my ‘baby’ will be here SOON as i really am very stress without it.. i just dunno how to tell my parents about it… my patience is just driving me nuts dee…

okies… congratulations to UMS student who will be graduating this weekend including my buddy, Shimie… thank GOD managed to get her a pressie, if not i will feel so bad… hope to meet ya during ur convo day, babe… and the tamu gadang is quite interesting. missed it last year as i was back at home for all holidays… hehe…went with my coursemates on tuesday nite, ate so much till most of us like wana termuntah… hehehe…i wasnt feeling quite well after that, so walked back with my ex-roommate but the rest waited for Misha Omar…a bit geram ler when i reached back in the hostel dee, a msg came saying she just arrived after i waited for like nearly 2 hours.. ish ish.. learnt my lesson.. will not wait for artist in the future…

im gaining back my strength and composure… praying that i wouldnt be ‘disturbed’ by any of the idiots EVER again..will be piahing for my studies kao kao dee once the convo week is over… procrastinate too much dee.. ish ish… tak bertaubat langsung… in the mean time, will plan for my parents hols here in nov… i hope i will come out with a great plan… and hopefully, my exam really finish on the allocated time…chaossssssssssssssssssssss…

DAMN and DOUBLE DAMN…

though it happened a few days back
but knowing the truth today
didnt reduce  my anger
but instead im damn pissed..
super pissed to the extend that
i would sepak anyone that step on my tail…

i trusted u to ever lend u my precious belonging
very very few ppl have ever managed to borrow my things
but instead of taking good care of it…
u invade my personal documents and kept cool about it..
no one has ever touch my personal things
no one has ever do such things…
not even my parents or brother…
so, when u saw something that is too personal to me
u just pissed me off to the max…
if i didnt respect u, i would have cursed u…
dun try to be the goody two shoes…
dun think i will be soften when u took all the blame..
no, it doesnt matter to me..
u should have make things clear from the beginning that
it is MY belonging… not yours..
and no matter what…
u SAW my things without my permission…
i dont take lame talks…
whatever happened had changed my perception..

i NEVER forgive ppl..
and i still hate u to the max…
i used to forget those hurtful words u said to me
but no…NOT ANYMORE…
so, dont EVER think that ur sorries worth a thing
it doesnt… and it will NEVER mend what that happened…
what ever my secrets is none of ur problem..
u think i will still trust u after all this…???
dont even dream of it…
dont simply make any assumptions..
coz what u said was just bullshits..
coz if something ever happened due to this
i swear i will crush u with my own hands..
the same goes to ur very damn idiot asshole junior..
dont think im so stupid not to know who he is…
dont think u’re brave enough to tell me the truth…
u will live in guilt for the rest of ur life if u dont..
coz to see anyone’s personal things without the person’s consent
is the worst ever crime in terms of ethical…
i dont give a damn if ur hurt if u EVER read this
coz u wouldnt know how hurt and pissed i am…

I HOPE I KNOW…

its just fated that i didnt get to go back to pg for this short break…if not, that idiot would be crushed by now.. i SWEAR i will NEVER forgive that person for  the rest of my life… my 3days 2 nites with my foster family was ok… at least i dont feel lonely… im gonna shut myself out from anyone this few days… just give me a break..those who try to hurt me anymore, wait till i get up on my feet,k… but i wont give face to anyone.. dun try to dare me, coz u will just regret it…

was watching Astro most of the time in my foster parents’ place..its just nice that i have my own room..can sleep peacefully and my sleep syndrome really hit me back ler… sleep til dun wana wake up… but the amount of cats in the house can reallydrive me nuts… that was the first time i ever touched or carry cat and kittens…there are also 2 hamsters in the house..gdness..they are cute but the smell..hmm hmm… my mak cooked most of the time…so, just eat ler.. hehe…went to eat free lunch at a wedding also on sat… kekeke… and last nite ate at the esplanade.. (yeah, something like penang’s esplanade ler).. get to eat ‘chik’… hehe.. but so sia sui that i slipped and fell after dinner… hurt my tibia and its PAINFUL though the wound is tiny… OUCHIEs…darn..nvm… so many things in my head that i dun really feel like saying anything esle dee… sigh… just wish that GOD will guide me thru….

okies… time to write something long.. just need to get some stress out of my overcrowed brain… it wasnt a pleasant week from the weekend.. partly moody that i couldnt attend bro’s convo.. coz most of my family member was there, and the feeling just sux to the max.. it’s like missing one of the biggest event in the family… arhh… and when mum told me what happened on that day, my heart really goes all out to my dear bro.. i just wish i could be there for him… sigh. sigh. sigh… this few days, when i was talking to mum, tears were actually rolling down but of course i managed to control the volume till when im on my bed, that’s where i cry to sleep… out of a sudden i miss home so much.. i wana go back in nov, but it’s most unlikely that i would… since the price of air ticket shot up like anything, i darent even tell my parents about it thou bro is actually surprised that i wont be going back… sigh… hence, it will be another 6 months plus that i would be landing my feet on penang again, my dearest home… my dearest bed…

the workload is getting tougher and tougher..like i said previously, the test was tough.. i dont have confidence in passing thou, i did tried my very best to do.. but im doubting whether am i doing my best???? there are so many things to remember.. and i dont even know how to really differentiate all the melanomas, sarcomas and diseases… my brain really cant adsorb that much of volume… and when i saw my result for the previous test, kinda affect me alot… didnt expect such a result as i was quite confident that time… darn… did so badly for the simple test… i just cant imagine about the coming tests.. sigh sigh sigh…

anyway, a few things happened this few days… im wondering whether did i make the right choice, but i realise everyone deserve a chance.. so a chance is given and its up to u to make me realise ur worth, care and understanding… just dont let me down and pushed me away again…

it came out of a sudden
i was in shock and
my acute dyspnea attacked me…
u asked me a tough question
a question that i have been avoiding
a question that i’m searching for
i wanted to push that far away
i was afraid and worried…
i really was not sure…
i couldnt give u an answer that time
but u keep reminding me that
everyone deserve a chance…
i hope i made the right decision
i dont ask for more but
please keep ur promise…
please keep ur words…
longodon kopio dika….

stress to the max..finished a test and got to know the previous test marks…ISHHHHHHHHHH… stress nia..sad also ler.. ish ish ish.. was quite confident that time but sigh, wat to do… kenot repair dee.. so have to gambateh more ler… even today’s test was like ewwwwwwwwww…. dont know so many things… ish ish ish ish ish… yer… so so so so depress dee… later going mum mum and hope to get something to eat first.. was so sad the past weekend when i didnt get to attend bro’s convo… sob soob… just hope everyone had a good time then.. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FREAKING SEINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN… wana go back home.. but it wil be another half a year… DEPRESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS……..

last nite was a ‘terrifying’ nite when all of a sudden i was asked about something from someone that i didnt hear from for ages… it really caught me off guard and i just dont know what to say… i’m already so stressed up with so many things and i really didnt expect this to come at this moment… sigh.. i really wish i hear nothing last nite……

sigh…and being ’sepak’ by the lecturer for asking a question really left a big impact on me.. i was just confirming… darn… if i dun ask, how am i going to learn??.. partly it was my fault not to have a strong basic…but i DID read and revise my histology before i come to lab… it wasnt nice to be humiliated like that… should i just keep quiet and dun ask anything and dun learn..??? if u arent willing to help me, just say..dun humiliate me like that… i will work harder and wont let u ‘look down’ on me again… u gave me a challenge and im taking it.. i wont let this hinder my path…