okies…flying in a few hours time…yer, the feelings is horrid..so so so horrid… mum aint gonna let me cum back thou she already misses me…sigh sigh sigh… hope everything goes well with the health promo… and..all da best for my new semester… take care to those that i didnt get to meet…hope everything goes well on everyone’s part… bubyes… GONNA MISS EVERYONE DEARLY…
" To left true love be unspoKen.. its da quickest rot 2 da heart..!!!"
something familiar..yet i know its something not easy… to be able to let the other person know ur true feelings, it needs courage and strength… i could still remember those forwarded mails sent by my frens… "please share ur love with those that means a lot to u before its too late…" sigh… things are always easier said that done… why should truth be revealed when we know it will only cause more heartaches, pain and even to the stage of losing a good fren… no, i cant take the risk coz i cant take the pain anymore… only the person responsible can dig the secret out from me…
okay…counting hours… less than 35 hours, and i will bid farewell to things that i have already start missing… i wish i could take my pillow and chao chao there as i really couldnt sleep thruout those times im in my hostel… or maybe i should plan more trips to kudat.. sleeping in my foster family’s house is way better as i have my own room there… hehe..with my adik angkat’s teddies…make me feel so at home mer… sigh… when mum hugged me just now and said she already start missing me, i know it would be some really hard feelings me on mon… dad is showing signs of ’sadness’ and kinda reluctant… sigh.. i could feel their tears, im trying to control my emotions very hard… i cant let them see me cry…
i havent start packing my things, thou i’ve been reminded so many times… sigh.. everything is on my table and rack..just waiting for the moment to be dumped into my luggage… im taking back at least 4 pairs of shoes…i know its crazy.. bought most of the things i wana buy dee except the food part… sigh..i really dont wana think about this anymore… sick so sick… praying hard that it wouldnt rain on mon..i dont wana freeze and turn white in the aeroplane again…
SIENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN… DUN WANA GO BACK TO SABAH… SOB SOB…
"What’s Left Of Me"
Watch my life,
Pass me by,
In the rear view mirror
Pictures frozen in time
Are becoming clearer
I don’t wanna waste another day
Stuck in the shadow of my mistakes
Yeah…
[Chorus]
Cause I want you,
And I feel you,
Crawling underneath my skin
Like a hunger,
Like a burning,
To find a place I’ve never been
Now I’m broken,
And I’m faded,
I’m half the man I thought I would be:
But you can have what’s left of me
I’ve been dying inside,
Little by little,
No where to go,
But going out of my mind
In endless circles,
Running from my self until,
You gave me a reason for standing still
[Chorus]
It’s falling faster,
Barely breathing,
Give me something,
To believe in
Tell me: It’s not all in my head
Take what’s left
Of this man
Make me whole
Once again
[Chorus]
I’ve been dying inside you see
I’m going out of my mind
Out of my mind
I’m just running in circles all the time
Will you take what’s left
Will you take what’s left
Will you take what’s left of me?
Just running in circles in my mind
Will you take what’s left
Will you take what’s left
Will you take what’s left of me?
There was some hope…
then, it was dashed just like that…
it was as if being thrown down from a high rise building,
struggling to be saved…
with darkness everywhere…
with tears streaming like heavy rain drops…
with no one hearing ur scream…
with no one hearing ur pain…
then the head smashed to a zillion pieces,
with all parts of the brain being thrown everywhere…
the truth of all things doesnt matter anymore…
hence it will remain deep inside till … who knows…
it wasnt sumthing i’ve expected 2 months back…
that’s before i came back for the longest break i would ever have…
i just wish i could lay there doing nothing…
i just wish i could really fulfill things i need to do…
i just wish i could meet those i REALLY need to meet…
no.. it just doesnt turn out that well…
it will be another of those tormenting periods i will go thru..
it will be another series of repeated nightmares…
till only GOD knows when…
i am gonna build up my strength..
i am gonna stand up again after falling so many times…
it doesnt matter when im coming back…
the coming trips i promise they will be silent ones…
those who ’spotted’ me will be the very lucky ones…
those who dont, its okay…
farewell is only what i wana say…
Written On My Heart"
Thinking how it might have been
If you had never
Walked into my life
I would have been nothing
Without you where would I be
Every moment used to feel
Like living through a
Cold and starless night
But everything’s changing
Everything is feeling right
[c h o r u s]
You gave me your love
Lifted me up
Now I’m looking at forever
When I never thought
I’d ever see that far
You, you’re in my soul
Wherever I go
Now I know right from the start
Your love was
Written on my heart
How could I have been so blind
When you were always here
So near to me
And there is no other
Who knows me the way
I feel you do
And you were waiting all the time
For me to come around
And finally see
All the love I was missing
There you were right beside me
Always beside me
[c h o r u s]
You made it so easy
Your love brought out
The best in me
You are my light and my truth
I’ve found my destiny in you
[c h o r u s]
You’re forever
Written on my heart
a mysteriuos number on my hp this morning… some ppl from China.. i wonder who and why..??? most probably its a mistake ler… too bad or is it lucky that my hp really went nuts… no tone came out from it till around afternoon today… it there’s a tone, i would have received that call, but then i would be charged as well… hehe… so, who ever it is, i also dun care ler since that fella doesnt reply to the msg i sent…
fINALLY went for a hair cut..okies, it doesnt turn out well, thanx to my natural, curly frizzy hair…no, aint gonna do rebonding thou thats the only thing i could do as my hair is like..sigh.. damn tak boleh repair… if i were to curl, haha.. i will have those super extra bomb eh hair… i cant imagine that….. mum says my hair is okay, but im like trying to mess it up… ish ish ish… sure one of my group member will ask…’y on earth u go cut ur hair??’… will have my cap to the rescue again ler… kaka… mum likes her hair as she says its been years she yearns for that style… good for ya mum…
hmm… i darent tell dad my intention of getting a new hp, its mum who came to the rescue… thanx mummy…hugs and muax… and as expected, dad says, buy something like his can dee… okies ler… stop day dreaming of flip hps, camera hps, etc etc and look at those SIMPLE BASIC hp will do… okies… at least better than nothing… considering there are thousands need to be spent on my fees, books and stuff for 2nd year… i cant be such an ass to demand for more… dad has given me so much…. thanx dad ….
okies… 4 more days.. sux to the max counting days..maybe i should start counting hours… wasnt feeling well today, till mum asked me what’s wrong with me?? my face looks like shit… and i lost my appetite…everything taste blunt… sigh sigh…
this was posted a few days back, but i deleted it… but when i read back, im posting it up so that this person really READS it… and stop bothering me with the grandmother stories… i have my own share of problems to handle… get a grip of ur own life and dont interfere others’
to the person who is irritating and annoying me to the max imum level,
i really hope u’re reading this..
dont think u’re DAMN superior for trying to control my life coz u’re nothing but a damn loser as well… i guess u’re just a damn faker urself, dun even mention about this and that…talking about who is silly, i guess u should look at urself first before even trying to mention about others… i’ve HAD ENOUGH of u trying to beg for forgiveness or wat so ever… u not only irritate me but make me wana puke each time i saw ur name in my sms list.. if u dont understand english, please go back to kindergarden to review back what are the basics… DAMN… i NEVER know u’re such a jackass… PATHETIC…
i still remember how pissed u were when ppl dont keep to their words, but what about u???..u promised to help me, but in the end, u also pushed me away..DAMN… i cant imagine myself helping u each time ur smses came, but when i needed ur help, u turned me down..way to go… respect u??? NOT ANYMORE…. dont try to threaten me by saying this and that.. IT NEVER WORKS… dont think u can ever try to change my mind on anything… U CANT and U WILL NEVER DO… u always remind ppl of their mistakes…let me remind me of ur mistakes then… dont think ur perfect, coz ur not… u said bad things about ppl, and when i tried to tell u the reality, u tried to be the good person instead.. u told me its not easy to forget, why are u FORCING Me to forget and forgive??? if u really treasure a person as a dear fren, u wouldnt backstabbed the person by telling their weaknesses to any 3rd party..but u did and that’s what i called BACKSTABBING.. if u appreciate someone as a fren, u dont mention about her/his flaws to others, but u did… that’s what i called BETRAYAL… STOP TRYING TO THINK THAT U’re A GREAT PERSON… U’RE NOT… ENOUGH is ENOUGH
arh… THANX for destroying my mood day by day… I HATE U.. I REALLY DO… DONT U EVER PISSED ME AGAIN WITH UR DAMN LAME SMSES… if not, u’re gonna regret coz i’m gonna shout at u till u will NEVER FORGET……
my hp really unconscious and coma dee..dont think it will ever be conscious again..today, there’s no more noise coming out from it…sigh sigh sigh… just hope i can get a new one before i balik meranaing… 5 more days…and that’s it…
the omen wasnt as scary as i’ve expected but its enough to make my hair stood throughout the movie, no thanx to the freaking air cond… thanx to my dearest fren who accompany me though she would very much go for other movie..hehe… (cannot reveal her identity..just in case other ppl knew about it and force her to watch horror movie again) ..hehe… the ending of the story sux to the max… now i know why it was graded C…eww… should have watch Tokyo drift instead…aiks… anyway..who’s in for that, please let me know ASAP… hehe…lunch at manila’s place was great… first time there and it was good… hehe… nex time will bring my parents there…
okies… better get things done on my list.. still havent cut my hair..hampir botak also ler, hair been dropping like mad… and yeah,,, new hp… MONEY PLEASE DROP FROM HEAVEN…..
neway, this song is dedicated to my wonderful frens who have been with me throught out my ups and downs…. u ppl know who u are without me mentioning… all the things u said and did will always be in my heart… thanx…
"My Friend"
We are standing at the crossroads
And now it’s time
For you to go your way
And me to go mine
I will pray the Lord
Will keep you safe
Until the day I see your face again
[c h o r u s]
My friend
We have been through so much
And you have been my Godsend
With your sure and steady love
My friend
You know I will be there
If you ever need
‘Cause you’ve always
Been a friend to me
I may travel the world over
But one thing I know for sure
One day this road will lead me
Back ’round to your door
I will pray the Lord
Will keep you safe
Some bonds are just too strong
To break in the end
[c h o r u s]
Nothing will change the way
I feel about you
Not the miles or the years
Or the place this life takes me to
[c h o r u s]
6 more days
and u will hear no more
i will let u go as u wish
i will be invisible to u as long as u like
i will be long gone before u ever realise…
i aint gonna turn back
i aint gonna look back
i aint gonna rewind what i did
i aint gonna take back what i said
u are who u are
i am who i am…
as long as u like to have this ‘cold war’
its up to u.. i aint gona interfere
my strength is just too weak
my shine is fading
my colour is disappearing…
I loved you once you loved me not.
I loved you twice but I forgot you never loved me.
You never will but even so I love u still.
It only takes a minute to get a crush on someone;
an hour to like someone;
a day to love someone;
but it takes a lifetime to forget someone
One day you’ll ask me: "what’s more important to you? Me or your life?" I’ll say "my life" and you’ll go and leave without even knowing that you are my life.
If love’s a disease then I’m very ill.
But I don’t want medicine, I won’t take no pill.
I will suffer this illness ‘cause it makes me see exactly how much you mean to me!
To realize
The value of a sister
Ask someone
Who doesn’t have one.
To realize
The value of ten years:
Ask a newly
Divorced couple.
To realize
The value of four years:
Ask a graduate.
To realize
The value of one year:
Ask a student who
Has failed a final exam.
To realize
The value of nine months:
Ask a mother who gave birth to a still born.
To realize
The value of one month:
Ask a mother
who has given birth to a premature baby.
To realize
The value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.
To realize
The value of one hour:
Ask the lovers who are waiting to Meet.
To realize
The value of one minute:
Ask a person
Who has missed the train, bus or plane.
To realize
The value of one-second:
Ask a person
Who has survived an accident…
To realize
The value of one millisecond:
Ask the person who has won a silver medal in the Olympics
Time waits for no one.
Treasure every moment you have.
You will treasure it even more when
you can share it with someone special.
To realize the value of a friend:
Lose one.
one more monday, one more tuesday, one more wednesday, one more thursday, one more friday, one more saturday, one more sunday…and then…bubye BIGGY POOH, Bubye PIGGY, bubye all my teddies, bubye my dearest chaochao again, bubye all my teddies, bubye my radio, bubye our most wanted ‘TV’, bubye my PC, bubye everything at home, bubye penang…and the toughest bubye would be bubye to my dear parents…sigh… the ‘going back merana’ syndrome is killing me dee… day by day, hours by hours, minute by minute and second by second. it doesnt help when there are still so many things i havent do…
1. meet my teachers
2. meet certain frens i havent meet for year…
3. print my group’s name tag
4. print my reports
5. type letters to certain individuals
6. get ready articles and posters for my health promo
7. shop for a new watch, a new hp ( STILL IN MY DREAMS.. but my hp really coma till i duno how to say dee..those can get cheap prices for hp, please let me know.. DESPERATE DEE)..
8. shop and tapao as much FOOD as i can…shud finish before i start 2nd year
9. get ready to pack my stuff..just hope i can manage to talk to the officer-in-charge not to charge me so much for my over weight bags…
10..and keeping my book nice nice where it should be… cant seem to be able to concentrate ler….
sigh… I DUN WANA GO BACK TO SABAH… sob sob..
