Enduring Journey..

well, i always tell myself not to procrastinate my work… i hardly do but when it comes to clearing my already ‘after tornedo strike kinda’ room, it took years for me to actually get started until today when i FINALLY bertaubat to clear my yellow looking and berkulat books and notes since form 6… the dust is like..cm thick and the amount of dead si-py-da is a lot also… some dangling as if they committed suicide…

okies ler, when i was in AIMST, i thought i mite still need those books and notes mer, coz in the first semester, most of what we learnt were based on form 6 kinda syllabus especially biology. then, when i got the offer to go over the Sabah, i hardly have time to even clear my things that i transfered back from SP. mum also doesnt have the energy to clear my things, coz its a whole damn lot… i didnt know that i had so many books back in form 6, up to 2 big boxes and my notes, OMG, 4boxes eh…

luckily some of my notes and books in AIMST i already gave to sumone.  lau eh…really cant imagine the amount of things i will have after 5 years in sabah… mum says once i finish my studies in ums, she’s gona send my things over to me… aiyo.. HEADACHE eh…

anyway, when clearing my magazines, it brought back some memories of the times back in high school…from the time i cried in class, fought with some irritating people, missed my school bus due to final exam in form 5, even had to push my old ‘bus sekolah’ when it broke down in the school compund and the list goes on… when i saw myself in my old RC uniform, i remember those times when i was such an ‘ahli tidur’ back in form 1, never bother about anything in RC until somehow was stimulated as well ler… having deccee as my senior as well as my godsis somehow gave me some encouragement to be more active in RC, that was how i started step by step, from school activities, outside duties, first aid quizes, competitions…until i received my certificate of merit in form 5. my happiest moment was when my team became the champion in CLHS first aid quiz..however, my torturing moments was went i became the HSL, leading a committee who gave me more heartaches and problems…being bombarded by officers and teachers and having to be the defence ‘minister’ in what ever circumstances..that was when i learn so many things that i didnt know. but again, thanx to my best buddy and another good fren for supporting me back then. if not for them, i wouldnt have become so tough to fight back and point out my stand…

then, came to the piles of colourful envelope..those are my snail mails…ooo,yeah…did i mention i love to send mails..??? its just so much fun reading back the contents..no words can describe the feeling… nostalgic? maybe… i do have lots of those lovely cards and some words of encouragement when i was down… but as time passed by, when people are getting more and more bz and with the advancement of technology, most people send out e-mails… im not left out, i do send emails but no matter what, i still prefer snail mails… hence, some of my frens still receive my snail mails or cards once i a blue moon… hehehe….yeah, its costy the sweet memory remains…imagine nex time when im 60/70  ( urm, if i can live up to that age) and reading back those teenager kinda letters…ehehehe.. or maybe showing them to my future generation as i think they wouldnt know what snail mail is all about nex time..

and then..cheng cheng cheng…FOUND money among my books ler… hahahaha… not much ler but at least can treat myself for sum meal..or maybe keep to buy a new watch..somehow, all the capalang and low grade eh watches ( mostly the RM10 from chee cheong kai ler..) all spoilt dee, either the stripe tercabut here and there or the battery just went dead after i wore for like 5 days… change duno how many times dee also cant help…so, its time to get a new hopefully branded eh watch to last me longer…

then, last nite was talking to bro about changing new hp, my 3310 memang very sick dee… auto off when i tengah pek chek… haih…when i unintentionally told dad about my it, he said u choose..either u wan a car or hp…adui… sure wan both ler, dad… hp is for the current moment mah… car i dont think so fast will approve ler…still have to wait till bro settle down with his job mer… adui… maybe, have to start some ‘evil plans’ dee ler..sumehow hope to get new hp before i balik to sabah… my 3310 wil keep for my digi line ler..dahlah the other hp for my digi eh memang coma dee..aiyo.. wish money will drop from heaven ler… PLZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ…

okies…better get going… cant wait to meet bro in a few hours time… till then.. will stop blogging dee… for a week ler… kakakaka… compile everything after my bro balik to puchong lah… and..tmr will start opening my ana book dee… time to bertaubat and get my brain to start functioning.. hopefully can go to botanical garden for the floral festival ler.. and will snap lots of photo… hehehe

okies…its time to reveal the secret.. i’ve gained weight and urm, its REALLY OMG… i darent imagine the nex few weeks… with bro coming back on tues, its really eating marathon to the max. i think its time i get my butt moving dee. must get my jogging shoe and cap ready for the week… tak boleh tahan dee. i dont wana shock the whole UMS when i get back… hehe…

hmm..then, will stop blogging for one week dee..give chance to bro to get online ler for the week he is back. his business so big mer, one day didnt check the mail box, sure the emails berlambak-lambak dee unlike me, one week didnt check, no mails also ler. maybe that week also, can FINALLY start to really study my ana and physiology. havent touch my books for more than a month dee… and as usual, my brain start to rot dee ler. mum nags dee loh.."told u not to bring back ur books dee…NEVER listen..see now, u just waste the 8kg of luggage…or else can bring back more things to sabah..etc etc.." aiyo, typical ler… where can i predict i got so many things to do arh? some of my days, my parents dee planned ahead before letting me know wor..like the other day, THANK GOD i woke up earlier a bit than usual, so shocked when i heard my aunt banging and calling out my name so loud,,walau eh, wan the whole 19 floor apartment to know my name meh? sia sui …

hehe…better start preparing for my things to take back to sabah dee… have so many things to buy… and okies ler..bertaubat dee, tmr bermati-mati also have to clear my things.. haha..typical me ler..kena some stimulation dee, only my limbs will start moving and the reason for this time is, BRO WILL BE BACK THE FOLLOWING DAY… hehehe… dun wan him to tembak me like a shooting gun mer and as usual, many of my things are thrown into his room… hehehe..till then… and here are the list of food to eat for the week…kua kua…how to diet ler???

1. steamboat… i will be choosing the ingredients…plenty of fishballs ler, ‘hai som’, fish meat, lots of mushrooms, vegetables (hei..need some vitamins also mer=)), prawns..etc… maybe i will fried some wantan ler…hehe
2. my crab feast… and steam fish with those so nice chillie paste…i aint gona give face to my bro eh..been waiting for this so long dee =P
3. maybe go eat some roti canai..those are bro’s fave ler..he doesnt like kayu which is my fave hanging area…
4. Penang road chendol…hoho..my fave… and add sum laksa (suggestion by mum)..then..my padang’s lok lok…my fave ler..
5. sg.pinang’s curry me and duck meat noodle also in the list…thou i dee makan ler…hehe
6. sure bro will wana eat loh bak eh…his fave mer…hehe… i makan many times dee (this one wont snatch with him ler )
7. some ikan and sotong panggang
8. fried oyster ler…
9. maybe go swatow lane…can wallap the pai kut hokkien me again and ice kacang… hehehe…
10. char koay teow ler…A MUZ for every penangite…and the list still moving ler… hehehehe…

since the day u volunteered to help me with the ‘impossible’ task,
i asked myself whether …
is it u that i have been searching for?
is it u that i have been looking for?
is it u that i have been hoping for?
i do ask myself not to dream,
i do ask myself not to hope,
but it doesnt help much when…
my heart longs to hear from u so much,
my ears long to hear the beep or ur msgs or ur warm voice when u call,
my eyes long to see ur name on my phone,
i cant help it…

when u told me how sick u were,
my only wish was to see u at that moment,
my only hope was to be there beside u or give u a warm hug,
but it is so disappointing when i cant,
it is so painful when i can only pray that u’re ok,
it is so torturing when i cant see u and share ur pain…
i was worried when u told me u’re alone,
coz i dont want u to feel the loneliness that i have been going thru…
i wan u to feel that u have someone beside u always…
coz i am always there for u…
u know i care about u more than myself…

no matter what,
i really hope everything is ok on ur part,
i will always pray that u are happy and blessed,
i will try to accomplish the ‘task’ u assigned me…
but im wondering how can i do it…
as im questioning myself whether…
have u conquered my heart without me knowing…
or…was is just my illusion or dream…???

last time when i told mum that guys are no longer ‘gentle men’, she doesnt take my word seriously but instead she scolded me back by saying im not a good helper myself..

but, what happened today kinda changed her perception and i guess she FINALLY understood my msg… it was a damn sia suing thing when the car battery just went dead when i was just reversing out from the parking lot after went marketing with mum… i was blocking the road and those cars were honking as if i did it on purpose..that was bad enough…hence, mum says better push back to the parking lot as we just couldnt start the engine. i told mum to control the stering while i pushed since im so fat but she insisted that i control the stering as she didnt drive for so long dee while she tried her best to push… so, i guiltily sat controlling the stering while mum pushed the car.. coming to the point..there were a few guys pretty near to us but they just stared at mum without even trying to help her…WAY TO GO GENTLEMEN… i would very well said..DUMBASSES …the very very pissing situation was the CELAKA parking attentant…dahlah didnt help mum to push the car sumore charged us extra parking fee COZ WE WERE PARKING AT THE LOT… if i know this is gona happen, i would just leave the car to jam the whole damn road… WALAU EH… i felt like throwing those 60cents right at his face…WAH..beh tahan…

of coz press the SOS button dee ler after that… dad came to the rescue with the mechanic..the battery is ok but the startle plug and duno wat ler dee capalang.. so, change this and that, top up the battery water and the black oil.. and the cost came up to RM195..adui..no money dee ler… luckily managed to finish on time as dad needs to use the car in the evening… i really cant imagine if the car were to break down this morning as both me and mum went shopping in town this morning… so, kinda thankful ler the car broke down at the right place..as the workshop is just around the market near my place… so..after came back, mum tak boleh tahan dee…complained about how the guys could just stare without helping her..and i think she injured her leg and backbone dee…the car ISNT light and with me inside lagi… haih..GUILTY TO THE MAX… neway, MUM, this is the facts about guys nowadays… dont depend on them too much… i’ve went thru many situation before when guys just gave me such bad impressions that i wonder how will they lead the world in the future…???i’m not saying ALL guys are like that..but maybe im just plain bad luck to come across so many disappointing attitude guys…ishhhhhhhhh

anyway, today i got to know that there are allergies that i NEVER know before… allergy to the air we breathe, allergy to ajinomoto, allergy to rust..and the list just goes on…so so so kerlian my very good fren to have this ‘allergies’..i guess he must has certain genes that are mutated dee… hope everything is allrite on his part… couldnt sleep the whole nite, wondering what went wrong with him when he vomitted half a yesterday till even when i chatted with him early in the morning, he was still vomitting… aiyo… eat some healthy food my dear fren…

to my AIMST buddies, im sorry that i dont know when im gonna meet u guys…its kinda hard for me to go over to SP..dad needs to use the car..so sorry..i will try to find my way..but no promise… till then…all the best to u guys for the coming tests or is it exam??? dun pressure urselves too much… GOD bless…

i wish i have more money for shoppings… hehe.. i guess everyone hope or wish for the same thing… hehe… well, today went over to prangin and komtar with mum..it has been ages since i last went over to komtar, i cant remember the last time i walked past there.. hehe… i also didnt go to prangin for sometime dee, the last time was to do my specs… nvm about that…

its a fruitful ‘window shopping’ when i actually managed to buy 4shirts and somthing like a sweater/shirt and 2 pairs of slack plus one pooh towel and a slipper…kakaka… luckily mum is clever to bring some cash coz i dont have much cash left after i return to pg.. those shops dont accept card eh…hehehe… mum also got herself a blouse… its not the end of shopping spree yet but just the BEGINNING… hahaha.. i already told her i need to get new clothes before i came back and i guess mum thought i wana change the whole wardrobe like that and she keeps saying its time u start hunting for ur new clothes… i just LUV U SO MUCH MUMMY… hugggggggssss..im wondering my luggage is enough for my things when i return to sabah..i already have my 8kg books dee.. sure overweight dee… coz there are so many things i havent buy, my shoes, sandals, etc etc… kekekeke….

anyway, the funny thing was my fren, kah wai saw me in komtar..okies, thats something i dont like when ppl saw me but i didnt see them… he sent a msg to me but i pretended it wasnt me… but when i asked him wat colour tee i was wearing, it was TOTALLY So wrong.. i was wearing PINK but he said yellow..even mum was in black tee..either he is colour blind or guess the wrong person..damn sia sui…MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA…

hmm.. i think i should plan my trip to SP ler..but i dont know how.. yang just told me that he saw ‘my twin’ there who is studying medic also… so alike..ishhhh… a replica of me to remind them that im still there… hahahaha…

okies..better oioi early…tmr wana go book my genting tickets dee… hehehehe…cant wait to go there again after 2 years… can go into the casino dee.. sua ku..oink oink…

its so nice to meet up with the rest of 6 melurian..thou the population is getting smaller and smaller with some of us not in penang, some really lost touch dee… okies..8 of us turn up, me, alicia, melvin, justin, shun yit, christine, chin yen and jean nie… chin yen was so blur that he went over to subaidah first.. hahaha… hooi ching didnt wana come coz she wana see herself on tv as her team won the spirit of kl thingy…way to go, babe… basically, we are now ‘divided’ into two main categories, those working and those studying… of course those working eh will talk about companies and working thingy… and those studying still or i should say goyang kaki here and there, during hols or no class eh days mah talk about comp thingy or wats interesting here and there…hehe…

hehe..the funny thingy was, fred also turned up at kayu..but urm, we didnt inform him… oppsie…dont mean it… but due to some conflict the other time when y.chang around, i darent think about asking those not very close ler… nvm..there’s always a nex time mer.. but the nex time no more kayu dee…must be somewhere near town or pulau tikus dee…haha…. till then.. hope to meet again before i balik merana kat sabah ler..woohoooo….

dont really know what got into me but i became so moody and restless… i didnt know what actually stimulate that emotion in me… yeah, probably of that word SENSITIVE… im damn sure i hate that word… it hurts to the butt when the person keep repeating the same word each time he joked but im not allow to joke in return… what the …..????? how do u define sensitivity??? and it simply pissed me off when people joke without thinking about how others will feel and the recent was someone PURPOSELY said im khoo may cheng when he knows VERY WELL that im not… i would like to swear mind u, but im being patient… if u gonna step on my tail again, u better make sure u vanish before i see any trace of u… arhhhhhhhhhhh….

another thing, i still couldnt understand why people luv making promises when they know they cant fulfill it… i can remember all the promises people swear to me but i DONT remember any of them fulfilling it… i dont know how many times i have mentioned this but each time i do so, the pain just become worse and the burden becomes heavier… i couldnt do anything coz im not them… i used to pray hard for sum miracles to happen but i dont think i will anymore… its too much for me to carry on like that…

anyway, the NORMALITY that the dr mentioned to me wasnt convincing as i know SOMETHING isnt right…coz the other day when i followed dad to bukit dumbar, i suddenly felt so dizzy after i walked up part of a sloopy road. i didnt tell him coz i dont want them to worry… i just wish i know..maybe BT is right, there’s something wrong with my heart… i will go for further screening IF I REALLY HAVE TO before i head back to sabah…