Enduring Journey..

i wasnt in the mood to do anything
i was kinda distracted
a condition without a reason
that left me in a deep melancholy
i cant explain the feelings
i really dont know what happened

so many things happened in this week
so many things i learnt this week
so many news i heard this week
so many messages that i received
so many messages that i sent out
so many missed calls i received
just so many things…..

what happened on tuesday
left a scar or mark in me
i felt so betrayed all of a sudden
i felt a knife behind me…
i felt a sharp pain in my heart
i really didnt expect that it would happened
but who am i to say anything?
it makes me realised that guys could be nuisance
its sad that they are easily distracted
its sad to see how they changed
its sad to see how they lose their dignity
its sad to see how they lose their principe…
so sorry to say that ‘you’ no longer have my respect
‘you’ no longer have my trust and believe
it was my fault to reveal the truth
but i didnt expect u would change after that…
it was the second mistake i did…
i will NEVER EVER tell ‘you’ anything anymore
its up to ‘you’ to understand the hint and points…

then,
the visit to Seri Mengasih Centre
a centre for the special children
TRULY leave an impact in me
though they may be slower
though they may be genius
though they may not score all As
though they may not have the same feelings
though they may not understand
though they may not know
BUT…
they are SPECIAL
each of them has their own uniqueness
we can NEVER understand everyone of them
they greeted us with smiles
they made us felt so warm and comfy
they took the initiative to shake our hands
they took the initiative to talk to us…

how could we separate them,
juz because of their disabilities?
does it really help them?
does it really motivate them?
does it really encourage them?
does it really make a difference?

we considered ourselves normal…
BUT
do we greet our families, frens and neighbours?
do we always smile in front of others?
are we friendly enough to talk to them?
are we EVER willing to help them?

most of us are so exam oriented
getting As meant everything
getting all As means ur great and superior
BUT…
whats the point when we dont even have basic qualities?
whats the point when we have bad attitude?
whats the point when we know nothing besides books…
These SPECIAL childrem make nice beautiful work
that i am so sure most of us could not do
from bookmarks, cardboxes and even wood craft…
they did their work with their fullest concentration
perfection became their priority…
neatness is a criteria…
they are TALENTED like us too

the most valueable lesson i learnt
was 2 lines uttered by a student…
"Do your work and find your things on your own.
Dont let the teacher do it for u."
they are learning to be independent
or maybe they are indeed independent
but look at ourselves
we depend on our mothers to locate our things
we depend on others to remind us this and that
we depend on others to do things for us
though we can do it ourselves
we are still being spoon fed by our teachers
all in all…
do we appreciate what others did for us?
are we contented with what we have?
why do we still demand for ‘unecessary gadgets’
when we are already so lucky?
why are we keep taking things for granted?
when will we EVER realise our selfishness?
when will we EVER realise our foolishness?
when will we EVER wake up and make a difference?
is it a DREAM that will NEVER come true?
or a HOPE for the new generation???
think about it…

there was the test on the tuesday after i came back and i had another test on last friday which is on pathology. the test was …. considering the fact that so many ppl werent honest.. i do question what is the point the sch emphasize on the medical ethics when some dont even have the basic ethics in them??? what is the point of cheating when u know u wont go far? is it that exam and getting good results is the only thing these people care??? FREAKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK… look back of what u have done… u have gone thru thick and thin to come this far? have u been bluffing all the way thru? i cant understand and i WONT wana understand.. i just feel so sad and disappointed to be ‘named’ under the same category even though i didnt commit all these ‘bad habits’… it wasnt nice to be in that situation…is it just so hard to be honest and true to urself? duh… who am i to question??? im after all a nobody…

the ‘incident’ that happened in the lab the day before the test was another thing that really need to be looked into SERIOUSLY… i dont know but i bet the whole QE might have know about it and i cant imagine the perception the other doctors have on us now… the seniors are being bombarded dee and i was bombarded when i met the seniors… i felt like a victim… i didnt do anything wrong… dr.tan was answering my question half way and the nex thing i knew was he went to the mid of the lab and started ’scolding’..i was shocked actually…. those who committed the ‘offence’ dont even bother, but those who were willing to learn more and stayed back were the one who suffered mentally and emotionally. it left a mark in me though i sensed that something like this would have happened. it happened now but others were pretty cold about it. no wonder, more and more good lecturers are leaving… if i were to be in dr.tan or any other lecturers who were irritated by these bunch of ppl, i wouldnt even think twice of leaving and never to come back. like what dr.chin said was true..i definitely agreed. these lecturers dont own us…they are willing to come but duh, some of us just make the hell out of them… they spent so much time preparing for the lectures, but do all of us appreaciate what they have done??? i really doubt it….. when will be the time these people wake up or realise their mistakes before it is too late??? that is still another question to think about……

a new module will start on mon… it will be a tough period all the way thru to the final exam… there wont be any study break fo us..duh… really scary dee… there’s really no time to breathe, wat more of entertainment… nevertheless, going to kudat this weekend to complete the compulsory visit and we have our hostel dinner on sun… just hope and pray that GOD will guide me thru… i just need to be strong…

will be leaving pg in a few hours time… sad ooo… im still so pissed i duno y… out of a sudden, i cant breathe again… its terrible… im having a blocked nose… and it seems im gona have flu dee… arhh.. everything just dont seem to be right when im leaving my dearest home again… i dont think i can ever get rid of this syndrome… it just occur naturally… sigh… im not gona bring any notes the nex time i return, coz i didnt touch any… i tried my best but it just wouldnt get in… regret is a bit too late..there’s no time to feel remorse but to try to saviour whatever that i could in less than 2 days… we will start a new module on mon… test on tues..and another new module test on the following friday… i dont think i can cope this time… darn.. its really haunting me to the max… i just dont dare to stuck in that position… i dont wan to have nightmares again… its horrid…. my eyes are swollen i really dont know y… probably i sleep too much, or i still need a lot of sleep…

even though there was only like nine of us( me, ernest, justin, yong chang, shun yit, hooi ching, siew siew and christine) for this time reunion, i’m glad we did meet up somehow. it wasnt easy organizing this reunion kinda thingy… and i officially ‘resign’ today… i guess its time for someone else to take over this ‘task’… i just hope dinesh will stop bugging me to do this and that anymore… we chatted for sometime and everyone really changed from the last time i met them… time has changed and all of us will be 22 this year…that’s like so freaking to me as im only in first year while others have graduated, graduating, working and worse doing masters…. arhhh.. it makes me feel so horrid i dont know why….. im having my test on tues but what the heck… i havent been touching the notes i brought back… im gona flop nicely for it… it sux to the max…. i tried studying but it just wouldnt get in… what am i supposed to do??? arhhhhhhhhh…. and the idea of flying back to  sabah in like 24 hours time makes me feel so damn sick… out of a sudden, im having headache and flu… been sneezing the whole day… arhhhhhhhhhhhhhh… going back syndrome is killing me again… i just cant get over it… will be a bz day tmr..didnt even think of packing… ishhhhhhhhhhhh

two more days before i head back to sabah…its really i dont know how to express that feelings. i was supposed to prepare for my test on tues, but i dont seem to find the composure. it’s so funny that i read two line of my notes and the next thing i knew was i slept the whole day and only wake up in the evening. mum was shocked. i dont know what got into me…the sleeping syndrome is back… im just so so so tired. nothing i did could keep me awake. im sure to flop badly in my test… sigh… wat to do… these 2 days gona eat till i muntah.. my tummy is as if im pregnant for how many months dee… kakaka…kinda sad that bro went back to puchong deee…. wat to do..??i dont even know when will be the next time i will meet him… there are still many things that i need to do but i still didnt do…as usual..last minute work… i didnt even know how to start prof d’souza’s SSM..duh.. will complete tmr i think… just hope that i could meet up with sum frens tmr… arhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh….. i just need to express this hard feelings… kinda stressed…