Enduring Journey..

it’s just so nice to be back though im so so so tired… my flight was delayed for half an hour on fri nite and i reached klia about 12.15am. i pitied my frens whose 8.30pm flight was further delayed, later than our 9.30pm flight… delayed or not, wasnt exactly a matter for me but i just wana go away from KK airport… i had to wait for bro till 4am. so, loo and i first went to have some drinks in mcd… then, we searched around for electric port as there was hardly a place to sit as most of the seats are occupied, with so many people sleeping around. we were lucky enough to find the electric port at one corner of the arrival hall. so, we on our laptops to pass our time. i watched drama while loo completed his ssm and later played some games. kai fei joined us later. he had to wait for his flight till 7.30am. he was shooed away from one of the waiting area. hehehe…

i was so excited when Ai phing called and informed that she and bro is on the way to klia dee… yippie… i was just to glad to get into the car and hence, we started journey back to penang, our dearest homes. we had 2 stops and i wasnt sleeping but my eyes just cant open… i slept for 3 hours daily for the past week…i tot i could catch some sleep when i reached home, but it was just so bz the whole day. we had to prepare for the prayers thingy and i was fishing while decorating the fruits. i didnt have time to decorate my room or house…aiks… really so packed.. and after prayers, i really pengsan dee… hehehe….

anyway, HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR to everyone… hope everyone have a wonderful and prosperous time in this woffy year… woof woof…

it was supposed to be a relaxing and really some peace of mind during CNY, but THANX, A BIG THANK YOU to everyone, every single party that made life so miserable… it wasnt gona be a exact CNY, there are still so many things that i need to handle and settle…now, i have to work extra hard during CNY… what is it like to sleep in the airport when everyone is sleeping in their comfy bed in a proper place? what is it like when ur parents are worried about ur safety when others are in their houses or even hostels? wat is it like to study when everyone elses in the house is sleeping? what is is like not to sleep but u have to pretend that u are sleeping when u hear ur parents are waking up? what is it like to smile in front of everyone when there’s a deep wound inside u? what is it like to pretend to stay awake when ur mind and body are begging for sum rest? what is it like to study when everyone else is enjoying REAL CNY? what is it like to push urself when u are supposed to have at least sum break? what is it like to feel the guilt and not happiness during CNY??? why could life be so mean… damn to everything….. i dun really look forward for anything anymore coz life is just nothing but full of lies and false hopes… i just wana go back and be luved by my dearest family….coz i realised they are the only people that truly love me…..

haih…just finish the first test of the semester 2…hmm… dont really know how to describe the feeling…some know how to do..some,..urm…really wat the prof said was true… bluff my way through… wat to do…> push so hard but my brain still cant take in the things i’ve studied..ishhhhhhh..just hope that i will improve and work extra hard…… good luck to everyone… will see ya ppl during CNY

it’s time to bid farewell to 2005
it was indeed another unique year for me…
in the beginning of the year,
i was still in the mood of continuing my life as a biotech student in AIMST
i wasnt exactly happy studying over there but i didnt have a choice
i learnt so many things called survival skills there
i met the horrible roommate that i wouldnt wana meet again
i met the world freaking liars and fakers that ruin part of my life
i met some people who are really ‘oh my god’
i learnt that no point being nice to people around u…
nevertheless,
there are still certain ppl that helped me to stay alive there
there are still some frens that i care and treasure from AIMST
there are still people who knew of the pain i went through
there are still people who REALLY know the REAL me
i dont have to mention… u know who u are..
i really thank them all for saving me from those nightmares
i really appreciate the colours they added in my life
i really appreciate the light they shined on me
i know there are still a few others who didnt get to know me
is it too late? u guys know better…..
i do miss those i treasure dearly…
it will only be some time till i can meet them again
i promise i will do so….

during the mid year, i thought it was going to be a break
nah, my holiday plan NEVER work…
uncle passed away after more than 16 years with his illness
it was a shock to the whole family…
my parents were down and i didnt have the heart to leave them alone
i tried my very best to be with them…i didnt know how well i did
and less than a week later,
it was indeed another sad and tormenting moment,
my very good fren’s dad passed away…
i was really sad that i broke down in public when i received the msg
i was speechless and helpless…
i wished and still wishing that i could do something more
i felt so useless all of a sudden…

then, 2 days later…UPU result was out
yeah, that was the 2nd time i applied after those painful dumping moment
my heart rate was crazy when i decided to call to check the result
i was lost and didnt know what to do when the voice said..
"Tahniah! anda ditawarkan kursus doktor perubatan di Universiti Malaysia Sabah"
i thought it was a dream…
i didnt exactly jumped for joy…
but instead i was in a dilemma whether to accept the offer…
yeah, it has been my dream to study medicine…
but considering the amount of money my parents forked out for me in AIMST
i didnt want to waste their money just like that…
for more 10K…we could have done so many things…
considering the fact that we arent well off…
mum saw the moody and undecided face…
i actually cried telling her i didnt know what to do…
i remembered sending msgs to everyone in my list
asking for advices and opinions..
98% said it was a second chance and i shouldnt even think about it anymore
it was a once in a life time opportunity that will NEVER come again
with the support and encouragement ESPECIALLY from my family
i FINALLY made the decision of starting a brand new beginning in Sabah…
there will NEVER be once that i will EVER turn back anymore
so, it was time to leave home and no ‘curi-curi’ going home anymore
it was the first time i went to a place so new to me
it was the first time i sat on the plane…
it was the first time i felt so independent…
it was the first time i really MIZZ home so much
it was the first time i really MIZZ my parents till my heart break
it was the first time i really MIZZ my bro till i hugged the pooh he gave me till it’s squashed
it was the first time i learnt to make decisions for myself…
not to say i dun make decisions previously
but the experience is just so BRAND NEW….

i guess everything happened for a reason…
the things i experienced in UUM and AIMST did helped me a little
i guess that was ‘training time’ for me
yeah, i was grateful and thankful for this second chance
i wont waste it and certainly wouldnt let anything hinder me…
i have been pushing hard..maybe it wasnt enough….
first sem was tough… and my results werent encouraging…
i was distracted for some time…
i wasnt paying my fullest attention in revision…
i know i could have done better..
but, its too late to regret… first sem is OVER….

nevertheless,
i WILL NEVER GIVE UP
i will push harder for this second sem..or the coming sems
i’m very determined and staying pretty focus
i wont let anything affect me anymore
though life is getting tougher and tougher
i couldnt complain…
i made the choice and can only move on…
before the second sem started
i was glad that i managed to meet up with someone very important
someone that really keep me going
someone that really support and help me without fail
someone that means a lot to me…my dear best buddy on earth…
i promised to work hard and i will fulfill it…
and i made a very serious decision…
a decision i didnt even think about for ages..
but i guess it is time… time to let go…
of someone i truly love till my heart breaks for years…
it was hard decision
but i will never turn back…
it was tough..but im pretty strong this time…
i wont make a fool out of myself anymore…
and i have my commitments to think about…
loneliness has always been a part of me…
but i feel so free..all of a sudden…

its pretty surprising to know that i’m being assume as a threat
its a pity to see sumone’s luv not being appreciated
but hei..please dont involve me in anything..
i’m just an innocent bystander… i wont fight over someone
i believe that if a couple is meant to be together
they will be together no matter what comes and goes..
but if they are not meant to be together
no point forcing and it will be a painful suffering in the end..
its a pity to know there are people REALLY that blur and blind
or maybe that person is only pretending not to know…..
i guess it was a big mistake to be honest at times…
i just have to watch out my actions and mouth…
i just hope the ‘chances’ is not being wasted…
i’ve lost my opportunity and i will NEVER gain it back
and i certainly hope it doesnt repeat to others…
if u EVER luv someone, PLZ tell them before its too late…..
once they move away, u will regret it…

life is as complicated as it might be…
a big thank u and hug
to those who have been with me…
support me all the way through
luv me as who i am
appreciate me as who i am
truly care for me as a fren, sister…
i could only pray hard to GOD…
to bless my family, relatives and frens
please bless my dear family more
i will sacrifice anything for them
i just felt hopeless when my parents told me about their doubts
im just so useless for not being able to be with them
again…i wish i could do something more…
i pray for world peace… i pray for everyone’s well being
welcome 2006…
it will be a new year for me…
i could sense the challenges and obstacles…
but that’s part of life…..
bubye 2005… a year of sweet and bitter memories…